She Believes in me
by TenFour
Summary: H reflects on why Cal loves him despite everything. Short song fic from Horatio's POV.


She believes in me

_While she lays sleeping_

_I stay out late at night and play my songs_

_And sometimes all the nights can be so long_

_And it's good when I finally make it home, all alone_

_While she lays dreaming_

_I touch her face across the silver light_

_I see her dreams that drift up to the sky_

_And she wakes up to my kiss and I say it's alright_

_And I hold her tight._

I promised myself that if I ever told her how I felt and she felt the same way I would cut back on work and spend more time away from the lab. But again I find myself shuffling up the path and quietly turning the lock and letting myself in. The house, our house, is in silence, I quickly lock up and pause in the kitchen to get some water and notice her note:

'Make sure you eat, I love you'

All I want to do is crawl into bed and wrap my arms around her but my guilty conscience stabs at me and I know she lovingly prepared the food for me, so I sit to eat. It's delicious as expected and I find myself again regretting another decision to stay late at the lab. When I find my way eventually to our bedroom, I pause in the open doorway and see her face touched by the beam of moonlight sneaking in through the curtains. She is so beautiful I quickly change and crawl in beside her; I can't resist the selfish urge to kiss her knowing it will wake her, I shouldn't but I do and her eyes flutter open. I'm again staggered by the love I find in them and it stabs at my heart. She as I knew she would spots my guilt and presses her finger to my lips and whispers it's alright before she covers my lips again in the sweetest kiss. I wrap her in my arms as we both drift off. Again I make the promise I know I can't keep.

_And she believes in me_

_I'll never know just what she sees in me,_

_I told her someday if she was my girl_

_I could change the world with my songs, but_

_I was wrong_

_But she has faith in me_

_And so I go on trying faithfully_

_Forever in my heart she will remain_

_And I hope and pray_

_I will find a way, find a way_

As I drift awake I think back to that bright summers day 5 years ago when I decided enough was enough and I was prepared to tell her how I felt, with all anticipation of being politely declined. She instead flashed that brilliant smile and said simply

"What took you so long, Handsome?"

I was blown away, whatever does she see in a hard, old, weather beaten, workaholic like me. I made a pledge to myself that day and repeated the promise a year later in front of our friends with her by my side I could change the world. I'd grown tired of doing it for all I'd lost; she renewed my mission and purpose. I know I was wrong and I still try but the world is not changing, I watch as those around me get sucked into it. I don't dwell too long on Eric's shooting or Ryan's choices it's too painful. Too painful to know I can't keep my promise to the woman that is my heart and soul. Yet despite it all she believes in me, no-one since my mother has had such unwavering faith in me. So I keep going because of her.

_While she lays waiting_

_I ask myself why I do hurt her soul_

_What calls me all along this lonely road?_

_Why don't I turn around and head back home where I belong_

_While she lays crying_

'_Coz she knows my heart is ripped in two_

_I'm torn between the things that I should do_

_She deserves it all and I'd give it if I could, God her love is true_

"That's a hell of a lonely road he's walking"

It's been my road for my entire adult life I can't ask anyone else to join me it's too dangerous and depressing. No-one but me deserves the road that has been set before me it is my burden to bear, whatever it costs me, it now costs her. It's why I waited so long, it's why I still push her away even at times when I see the tears in her eyes I know I have put there, I know she sheds for me.

A million times I ask myself why and want to turn back. It would be so easy but I don't. I'm torn between the two. She deserves every part of me, her love is pure and true and still I'm torn in my duty to the city I protect, she will never ask me to choose and I'm grateful, because it tears my heart in two and I'm still not sure I could survive the loss. But she simply says: "that's why I'm walking it with him"

'_Coz she believes in me_

_I'll never know just what she sees in me,_

_I told her someday if she was my girl_

_I could change the world with my songs, but_

_I was wrong_

_But she has faith in me_

_And so I go on trying faithfully_

_Forever in my heart she will remain_

_And I hope and pray_

_I will find a way, find a way_

For the millionth time I ask myself why, oh why would she say that, but deep down in my heart I know.

She believes in me.

Why I will never understand when she deserves so much more. I'm a man of science, her loyalty, love and patience defies logic but still it's there and because of that I continue to believe I can change the world and I can give her no less as I have let her down in every other way I continue to work because it would crush me to think her final belief in me could crumble. I will find a way for her.

The morning light now streams through the window and she greets me with a mind-blowing kiss to remind me how much she loves me as if she ever needed to.

And she speaks "Ready to change the world again today, Handsome?"

And I smile and reply "Just for you beautiful"

Do I believe it? Of course I do because:

She believes in me.


End file.
